handstories

Breathing room

    Still playing with the shiny new fabric.  Paired here with Deb and Tina's colors.

    These days the noisy jay fights for territory with these two.

    They sit outside my window yelling at the world, too.

    Twinkle also wrestles for space.

    Dentist appointment yesterday.  All kinds of too much.  (I talked about some of my teeth issues here.)  First the driving, something I rarely do these days.  Half an hour there, forty-five minutes back- some traffic lights were out from the wind, stop and go freeways, a few "PEOPLE!" exclamations were flung (and maybe a couple of other words).

    Approaching the dentist office, which is just off of a strip kind of a road, there were a couple of women crossing the street.  Women who make their livings walking the strip.  One was wearing a mask.  A new meaning for the term "safe sex".  The other woman made me do a double take.  She had no pants on.  A top, a jacket, and a thong.  She must have been cold in the wind.

    At the dentist- they all are very nice, but too many interactions, too many questions, "Do you want x-rays this time?"  "Fluoride?"  "Polishing?"...  I heard myself saying no to everything.  I just wanted out.  She did talk me into the x-rays, but I drew a line and refused to get the full panel one.  The regular x-ray led to discovering an issue, something needs replaced.  "Do I have to think about it today?"  No.  They didn't push.  They realized I had reached my limit.

    I was so glad to get home and stitch...breathe.  This piece, with its Threadcrumb moon, helped to center things again.

"Elsewhere"

Considerations

"Moon Life"

    There were some days with family in Oregon this week.  So much storytelling happens when we're together.  My brother is great at the "gotcha" ones, just like Dad was.  There was a comforting happy comment from K, who said that if something ever happens to me, he'll need to spend more time with my sister, "I love watching the two of you, you're so much alike, and so funny together!"  We are a funny group.  At least we think so.

 

    I stitched myself into a starry corner with this piece, it seemed there were never going to be enough stars to fill the space I wanted covered.  I was seeing stars in the end.

 

"Sky Spells"

    There is no memory of where the textured cloth at the top came from.  It's silk, I think.  Is it considered seersucker?  I think the indigo was my doing.  So much is lost in (or out of) my head anymore.   

    I want to learn how to talk about making more, and need to, as I've just committed to doing it for a zoom hour next March.  My reaction to the request was the usual:  Flattered, sure that I didn't have anything worth sharing and couldn't possibly, panic, wondering how to graciously say "No, thank you", wishing that I could pull myself together to do such things... and on and on.  All of the usual well-practiced and repeated, fear-based things.

    The only thing that I did differently was to recognize that there is a middle place between yes and no, besides fear...  Maybe.  Possibly.

    My reply held questions, concerns, and a confession to never having done this before and not being sure how.  The response was warm and reassuring.  Realizing that I am tired of saying no out of fear, I wrote right back with a shaky "Yes."

    There is a notebook, once used for Moon's "Spanish 1, Ms. Perez, P-3" class, abandoned a few pages in, that now also has the word "Zoom" written on it.  It's where things that might be of interest to other stitchers are being written down as I work.  "Jude" and "The Circle Community" are a few of the first words.  

    Friends and therapist have reassured, "Just tell your stories..."

"In Her Dreams"

A Rainbow Forest

    Where does the time go?  To plumbing (fingers crossed that it's finally over and the jack hammer NEVER returns), birthday, fetching Moon from college to home for his spring break, trip to Oregon to visit family, hayfever meds, ...

    A blue moon birthday cloth with a Threadcrumb moon, bits of Deb G.'s indigo silk and Deb L.'s dyeing in the moon, a patch of cloth leftover from Blue's baby quilt, and the top right piece is cyanotype fabric that had seed beads scattered on it while being exposed.

    A birthday selfie à la Jude.  Unlike Jude, I stepped into the shadows of the bathroom (where the only mirrors are.  Somebody really should wash that mirror, and repaint everything, especially the poor old door).

    There's been some stitching on that quilt that was started last fall.  It was nice to spend some hours with it, long lines of not so small stitches.  It's almost time to extend it with more cloth weaving.  I am going about this quite cattywampusly, making it up as I go, and not caring one whit.

    I'm not sure if it was the birthday distractions, the traveling, or the start of hay fever season, but when all of the finished pieces for Thursday's shop update were gathered, I was surprised to see a small forest of tokens.  I don't remember making this many!  I do remember thinking how great they are for experimenting with color combinations and a way to try new (uncomfortable) colors (I'm talking to you, Yellow).  Tina and Deb's rainbow cloths and threads make it easy to step out of the comfort zone.

    More color play while listening to this free workshop.  There is much to love about color wheels.

"Holding Home"

    The houses are still coming...

"Together They Glowed"

    There's something that I'm trying to get at...  Trusting that I'll know when I get there.

Conjuring

    There was an idea for a piece, another one with stones, it seemed like a good one... Not.  I stitched and restitched, ripped out, tried again, and was left with three little stones in the middle that looked more like Easter eggs.  I threw in into the hills of cloth on my table (where it has since disappeared).  And then this piece of Deb's stormy cloth called out, wanting to share a sky with one of Jude's moons...

    It was a moody weekend.  Plenty of feeling sorry for myself, but also knowing that I was fine.  We've got a system for doing the laundry now.  At twenty-four minutes into a load- be there with three buckets for about 20 minutes.  Do not run the first bucket out the door.  Set it on the floor until the third bucket has begun, and then run...  I tell myself how lucky I am to not have to use a washboard or wringer.

    This cloth is about creating connections and spells for yourself.  

    Finding ways to intersect with what's happening and reach for what might.

  Everything leaning on and into each other.  I loved making this piece.

"We Conjure What We Can"

    This piece and others will be in the shop this Friday (March 4th, noon Seattle time). Fifty percent of the sales will be donated to the International Rescue Committee.

    Sky magic last night.

    And more stars today...

Forward...

"The Night's Blue Magic"

    Regarding taxes- I hate feeling stupid, it helped that K (an accounting major) wasn't able to figure out the problem either.  A very patient soul, on the other end of the state taxes helpline, held my hand and walked me through the issue.  Notes were taken, in hopes that next year might be the one without tax tears (a person can dream).

    The ER bill arrived yesterday.  I can't even wrap my head around how those numbers are real?  How is this ok?  Combined with the plumbing work, what an expensive month January was.  Today I am just being grateful that we have resources and am moving on...

    Maybe because of this, I'm working harder at being disciplined with my time and stitching.  Routines work for me, so I'm trying to keep to a schedule. This is mostly easy, because I love it.  Now, if only some headway on the business side of things can be made.  Not so easy, but it will be better in the long run if I can just sit down and make myself figure some things out.  I also need to make myself get up and stretch more!

"Hesper" Tree Token

    A piece of all of this is thinking of stitching as a job, which plays mind games on me, spinning me back and forth between joy and weirdness, and even some guilt (or is it old shame?).  I worry about losing my way in it all, losing the heart of it, about valuing myself, about not being who people might think I am.

    With all of the recent trips to Oregon, time with family, I finally pushed myself to talk about my stitching, to call it "My Work" out loud.  Things about it were brought to share for the first time- pieces, the Stitch-illo book, etc.  It was hard to put myself on display with faces looking back at me.  Good and bad comments undo me.  It's fascinating and feels like drowning at the same time.

    My brother (who uses the words "I'm sorry" to begin most sentences) said, "I'm sorry, but they really feel like watercolors to me."

    "That's a wonderful thing to say, thank you!" His words filled me with joy.

    Onward...

 

"Where Dreams Begin"

    With admiration and thanks for Deb, Tina and Jude for sharing their gifts of and with cloth and thread (among other things!).

One stitch at a time...

    Well, here we are, another week plus gone by, and a month's worth of things going on.

    Post-Thanksgiving was spent in the basement.  A clog, overflow, old old plumbing to deal with.  After 115 years, it appears that the old clay mainline is preparing to give up the ghost, along with various other issues where it connects with the house.  Two days and several thousand dollars later we were able to wash, flush, etc. again.  It definitely dampened (ha, ha) Moon's first visit home since he left for college.   There is a next, more involved step to take- getting the mainline lined.  Which will mean many many more dollars.  A number so big that I may have swooned a bit when the guy showed it to me.

    We reacted for a couple of days, but we are moving forward now.  Actually, we're putting it all on pause until January.  Trusting that it will all work out.  Somehow.  The last few days have been spent cleaning up the aftermath, a carload to donations, washing and mopping up.  And a lot of stitching- for centering, and for income... to help to pay the piper (pipe-r, get it?!).

    Getting ready for bed last night, K. said something crazy.  I watched him realize how ridiculous his words were midway through his sentence.  It was so silly that I started laughing before he was done.  (He did, too.)  I laughed and laughed, unable to stop.  Gosh, that felt great.

    There are other happenings, too, but there are stories to stitch.

    Onward!

    (P.S. There will be a shop update on Friday, December 3rd, 9am Seattle time.)

Many moons

    Appointments, family in Oregon, and stitching have occupied the last couple of weeks.  Things are good for the most part, but definitely lacking a rhythm.

   The long overdue appointments (due to the changes in insurance over the last year and a half) were surprisingly uneventful.  My eye prescription hasn't changed in eleven years (I still can't see the small E's or the big one).  Even the dentist gave no news (which is good news!), in spite of my diet of black tea and red wine over the last chunk of time.

    The morning paintings hit a wall.  Rhythm had become Rules because of my inner control issues.  Being bossed around (even by myself), tends to lead to fighting back or stopping.

    Pushing through, there were a few stutters.  Not knowing what or where to go.

    I think I'm just going to paint and play with color for a while... see how that goes.

    The therapist has often said to just "sit with it."  Recently, I was saying that I just don't know what to do next?  Or if there even is a next? 

    "Just keep doing the work," she said.  Another version of sitting with it.  Not my comfort zone, but she's probably right.

    So, I'm trying to find small ways to challenge myself.  Layering old ideas into something new, hopefully.

    There was a long phone call with Blue this afternoon.  He's 23 now, still in Michigan, and such a good guy.  I miss him.  I told him about a tricky situation/relationship, and then asked him what he thought I should do?  He had great insights, advice and a sense of humor about it all (I can take some credit for that last trait).  It was a gift of a conversation, not just the nitty-gritty of the topic, but knowing that we can be adults together, trusting each other.  A new layer to our story.

Gathering light

"How it Would Be"

    A thin moon layer of Heike's dyed silk allows Deb's wonder cloth to shine through.

"Unexpected Rainbows"

    Bigger than usual, 9" x 7".  More of Deb's cloth sailing in the breeze.

    My favorite spot.

    Life is in a tunnel right now, but there are a couple of lights twinkling at the end of it. 

    Spectrums.

    I have the hardest time photographing paintings.  The light is rarely right.

    Two friends, by two favorite artists.  "Story" made by Cathy Cullis many years ago (resting in a bluebird tea cup that matches one belonging to a dear friend.  She gave it to me so that we could imagine having tea together anytime), and a painting by Amanda Blake, "She Kept Herself Safe".  It was a rare spontaneous instantaneous purchase a few years ago.  I named her "Lucinda," and just looked up the meaning- light, of course.  They are across the table directly in front of me as I stitch.  Keeping company and an eye on things.  There are a few more friends here, but these two are giving me meaningful looks today

    The teacup friend texted today, "Are you ok?" 

        "Nope.  But trying to be."

"Gathering Light"

   Or "Audrey the Third" if you're Dee (ha, inside joke).  A Threadcrumb moon, deep purple wave by Tina and the sky, and reverse-side patch in the bottom corner, are a Maiwa cloth.

In Seattle & thereabouts

    There are days when you just need soothing.  Stitching this silky moon from Jude was just that.  Like stitching water.  It grew into the tenth moon cabin block.

    Favorite fabrics, some took a while to find.  Somebody really needs to get some ducks in a row over here.  That pink cloth looks like it might be too much, but I'm hoping it will be balanced out once it's surrounded by other blocks.  Or it can come out later.

    A visit to the Bainbridge Art Museum...

    Upstairs, in the Sherry Grover Artists' Books room, there is an exhibit going on... "Every Day & Special Days".

    What a happy honor to be a part of it!

    And to share a space with so many wonderful works, including dear Velma.

    There has been some searching for my best Self .  She seems to be M.I.A. a lot lately.  It seems Moon and I are working hard to create many memories that we will hopefully laugh about some day.

    Also on Bainbridge Island is the beautiful Bloedel Reserve.

    Most of the photos I took were of water.

    I just love this willow.  It holds the memory of another willow, that held a memory of another willow for my mom.  All of the willows held/hold happy moments.

    The day ended with a beautiful ferry ride.

    Wishing you the bluest skies.

Haze

    Even colors seemed too hot to look at for the last few days.  I appreciated the coolness of this Threadcrumb moon.

    Saturday 102°, Sunday 104°, Monday 108°

    Sunday and Monday set record highs for Seattle.  Since 1896, there have only been three other days that have been 100° or over in Seattle.  Last week, when I first saw the forecast, I may have cried.  Today is blessedly only 84° (3:00 pm), so far.  Perspective changes things.

    It's an old house without air conditioning.  We did the open/close/cover dance with the windows and doors.  Scattering and moving fans as needed.  On Sunday I pulled out the old wading pool (congratulating myself on being a packrat).  Lunch was IN the pool.

    Family down in Oregon had it worse.  Mom said it was 117° at one point yesterday.  My brother lives in the next town.  Neither of them have air conditioning either.

    A spray bottle of cold water and mint leaves became my new best friend, traveling everywhere in the house with me.

    Only a few stitches happened during the weekend.  Early.  Before my fingers were too sweaty.

    There was salad after salad.  We had washed, chopped, made of all of the ingredients before the wave- lettuce, tomatoes, mint, nuts, corn cut from the cob, shredded chicken, dressing, etc... putting them in containers to pull out for meals, everyone serving themselves buffet style.  Anything to lessen movements and heat.

    By Monday it was too hot to even go outside (except to hand our poor mail woman a cup of ice water, with appreciation and an apology for our hill), so I filled the tub instead.  I probably stood in it at least once every thirty minutes.  K. laughed when he passed by and saw me brushing my teeth while wading.  Happily the toilet is positioned right next to it, so I was able to sit for a spell with a book now and then.

    Moon and I had a short tub party.

    "Moonfall"

    Today I am grateful for 84 and being able to hold a needle again.