A new kind of moon-pie for Moon's belated celebration last night. FIFTEEN. How did that happen? He tells me he can drive in a year. Sigh.
Before the pie, yesterday was a bad parenting day with both boys. I failed left, right, and was completely uncentered. (They didn't do so well themselves, but they have the excuse of undeveloped brains. Me, not so much.)
Moon and I went round and round. After the slamming and stomping, I went into his room. He shoved over on the bed making room for me. "I don't know what happened, but I'm sorry for it." "Me, too." We left it at that. With Blue there was a stand-off of feelings. At times we seem to be reflecting each other, neither of us thrilled with what we see, and are completely stuck in what to do with it all. We tried to talk, but we have no ideas. Probably the answer is time.
I hear this is the Accordion Time. After being so close together during the early years, now we are stretching in new ways. I've been told that we'll come back together eventually. Time.
In the evening, we all pulled ourselves together, and did have a nice time with pie, presents and a couple of board games. (You could almost hear some rusty music coming from the squeeze box of our family.)
We're ok enough, I suppose, but I do feel like I'm missing some pieces, some soft edges that might round me out into a better mama. If only they could be stitched on.
