handstories

Stitching in & on time

    Many thoughts, and admirations, for Liz while stitching script!

    Serious dents were made in the want-to-do list this week, including finishing a few gifts.  I'm particularly pleased with one of them, because it is done before her birthday, which rarely happens.  So rarely that I can't remember a time that I was on time.  My usual goal is to get it to her before she sends mine in March (she is always on time).  I suppose I shouldn't  be counting the chickens just yet, not before it's in her hands.

    Sleeping awfully, but there was a wonderful dream moment of seeing a favorite student in a musical, something like "Hamilton".  He was so happy in the dream. 

    I just adored him, and got him.  He was a beautiful boy who loved gardening and birthdates, and is on the autism spectrum.  "Hi, So-and-so, when is your birthday?" were the first words out of his mouth whenever he met someone.  He would still know when it was the next time he saw you, whether it was a day or a year later.   In the early years, I would often sit next to him during school sing alongs, because the large group could be overwhelming.  Sometimes he would put his hands over his ears to block out the loud songs and lean into me.  But he loved "Down By the Bay", requested it every week, and was so happy calling out rhymes for the verses.  Gosh, I loved that boy.

    I was thrilled to see him a few years ago, and even more so when he said that I could hug him (not a favorite thing of his).  He's working at a farm now, seemed happy, and was still beautiful.

    I am not a tidy maker.

    Sock knitting is so swell.  Surprisingly and unusually, I could only find one mistake in my execution of the pattern.  Maybe these are lucky socks?

making, etc.

    There's been making, and seeing this photo blown up, I guess there needs to be some trimming, too.

    And baking.

    Some knitting.

    K. has made two trips to the post office so far for Blue.  I pack the boxes, hiding gifts inside of other gifts to make it all fit into as little space as possible, so that the postage will hopefully not exceed the cost of the contents.

    I found this flannel in the stash, and have made a pillowcase for each of the boys.  Silly, but mamas can get away with that, right?  Actually, it might be scary to Blue.  His grandma gave him a sock monkey when he was a baby.  Just the sight of it would send him into sobs.  I wonder if he'll have flashbacks?

    Still need to make the Spritz cookies, but the tree is up much earlier than usual.  We scurried out to get one early because there's been a shortage here in Seattle for the last two years.  Is that true for anyone else?  It's almost decorated.  The coffee table is covered with unpacked ornaments.  Whenever Moon walks through the room, I call out for him to put another one on the tree.  Maybe it will be finished by Christmas?  

 

Little things

    I do love getting caught up in stitches.  This time it was in imagining Deb's dyeing taking on a life of its own.

    Days are tense with the unknown lately.  Weighing risks and responsibilities to each other with emotional needs.  And what is a need vs a want?

    A new pair of socks.  My eyes and mind get a rest in the evenings with knitting, also in the dentist's chair.  No one there even bats an eye anymore as I knit while they tend my teeth.  We all know that it gets me through.

    There was a walk with a friend yesterday.  The first in a long time because of  twanging my knee a few weeks ago.  Very glad to have it back in mostly working order. 

    She has studied and is passionate about horticulture, and shares a wealth of information- stopping to admire leaf shapes, color combinations and to share the Latin names and uniqueness of each plant, tree, flower.  I'm grateful for how she makes me slow down.  This is Viburnum trilobum, or Cranberrybush.

    The email with the concert link has gone out today.  Please let me know if you didn't get it, or if you were missed.

Vacation

    Mornings, days, even evenings have such a routine right now.  Rarely is any day different than the one before.  Wake up, shower, start oatmeal, closed eyes drawing, stir oatmeal, paint drawing, tea kettle whistle blows to be poured, stir oatmeal, finish painting, eat oatmeal, and then, aside from a lunch break, stitch for much of the day, an occasional chore, make dinner, etc... repeat.  They are fine days for the most part.

    Today, awake before dawn, the drawing came first, with eyes open.  After painting and oatmeal, I left the studio, announcing, "I'm taking the day off."

    Curling up with the cat in the front room, I watched TV, and knit on a plain sock for hours.

    After lunch, there was a little stitching in a book I made, on a page where I had wiped the extra paint off of the brush this morning. 

    It was a very nice day of playing, and playing hooky from myself.  Time to make dinner...

a yarn yarn

    "Knit on, with confidence & hope, through all crises."- Elizabeth Zimmerman (knitting hero).

    K. is working from home for weeks. Schools have closed for at least six weeks, so Moon is home, too, and so is the neighbor boy (Who now has LOTS of time to play his drum set.).  Museums and libraries are closed for a month.  Our singing group concert, Moon's thespian festival, K's and my getaway during Moon's festival...cancelled.

    I find myself wanting to eat potatoes and cinnamon rolls.

    The story of this yarn...

    A year and a half ago, sitting in the Providence, RI airport, waiting to fly home, there was a woman knitting.  "That is who I want to sit next to on the flight," I said to myself, "Instead of another elbowing, wide-spread-knees man." (The seat mate on the flight to RI.)

    When we boarded, there she was, in the seat next to mine!  She had just moved to Washington.  We realized that we also had the same connecting flight, and seats next to each other again (this time with an empty seat for our yarn bags between us).  She had a bag with "Prague" written on it.  I shared that Blue was going there on a college trip soon.  We knitted and chatted across the country.  

    Saying our "Nice to meet you's," I handed her my instagram link.  A few months later she reached out saying that she was the new owner of a yarn shop in Coupeville (on a nearby island).  I've been to Coupeville twice since (for Christine Mauersberger's workshops), and both times have stopped at her sweet shop for a souvenir skein.

    This one (Wonderfully Whidbey) is from last week's visit.  I'm calling this color "In Search of Blue Skies."  If you're ever in Coupeville, WA, please stop by Sea Bre's Yarn shop and say "Hi!" from her old seat mate.

    So, today I'm knitting on, with hope, if not confidence, that things will be ok.  Twinkle and I will learn to share our daytime space.  Although, she did have to yell at Moon to get out of her birdwatching chair this morning.

purple days/daze

    We had a very nice time away.  Good weather, delicious food and a fancy hotel (they brought us fresh cookies each evening!)  We walked, talked, relaxed, and these socks were started.  I'm not much of a purple person anymore, but I'm loving this yarn (it doesn't hurt that its colorway is called "moon phase".

    There were purple times...  In fourth grade I was jealous of friend who had her bedroom painted the same grape shade of the socks worn by our favorite teen idol.  I surprised my college roommate by painting our room lavender one weekend.  (I also crayoned a big bunch of balloons on one wall.  At the end of the year, unable to scrub it off, I leaned a mattress up against it in order to pass the room inspection.)  And almost all of the socks I wore during my thirties were the same shade of eggplant.  

    More lavender memories...  It was Grandma Blanche's favorite color.  The trailer she lived in was trimmed in violet and surrounded with gladiolas, irises and sweet peas.  She even bought a lilac nightgown to be buried in.

    Today I stitched down amethyst seas and thought about family, mostly Dad.  He would've been 75 today.  He turned 21 the day before I was born.  For the first time, there isn't a phone call for our birthdays, saying and not saying the same old things.  

    It's all such a tangle, and then things change.

finishing in the morning light

"Feeling"

    More and more I really don't like to drive, especially at night, but taking Blue to the airport last night, a different way than usual to avoid traffic, there we were on a big on-ramp to the freeway.  It was a long curve, up high, and I was so nervous.  It was just like one I'd been on in a dream.  With glaring lights below, and the fear of going off over the dark edge.  

    "This is just like a nightmare I had!" I exclaimed to Blue.  

    He talked me down, saying it was all fine, and fun, and that the lights were cool, and he was right.  

    Moon and K. left last night for a campout this weekend.  So, this has been a quiet morning of knitting, painting, and a few texts back and forth with Blue as he made his way across the country, and feeling fine.  

    And remembering . . .

    When Blue was a month shy of two, realizing he hadn't nursed for a couple days, I asked him about it.  "All done nursing," he said, "Big boy now."  I must have looked sad, because he brought me a plastic toy horse, "Here, Mama, horse nurse!"

    There is such a sweetness in him.  

bittersweet

    Yesterday came with the news that our dentist's receptionist (who has been there longer than the thirty years we've been going) is leaving.  Right now our next-door neighbors (who we love and will dearly miss) are loading up a moving van to travel far away.  (The man just knocked on the door, I answered pleading, "Don't go!")  

    Blue leaves at midnight tonight . . . until Christmas.

    I have been knitting, stitching, painting as fast as I can this week.  Trying to distract myself.

     Blue carved his first initial into the tree (Blue is his middle name).  It's right outside the kitchen window.

    I have not been helping myself by staring at this old photo from when he was six months-ish.  Looking here I see the words "September," "hold" and family".  (I also see "stuck" and "end," but I'm trying to ignore them.)

    He was such a happy baby.  

    It's been a good, hard, relaxing, and exasperating summer.  I thought it would be easier to say goodbye this year, but I am often at a loss when it comes to parenting teenagers, mostly the letting go part.  

    Someone told me to practice being sweet today, something I am not by nature.  I am managing semi-sweet this afternoon.

    There is something very pretty and magical about knitted stitches.

story socks

    Newest socks, in the color way "Bowie," and I've lost the label to tell you what company the yarn came from, sorry.

    Their making was helped by this great gift, a handy-dandy needle holder made by Els.  A way to keep those tiny double pointed needles from slipping out of their stitches, poking holes in the bottom of the knitting bag or getting lost.  Life, or at least knitting, is so much easier now, Els, thank you ever so much!

    A serendipitous moment came while knitting on these.  They came along to that island baseball game a couple of weeks ago.  Happily stitching away, with thoughts of David Bowie drifting in and out, along with the lyrics to "Space Oddity" (which our group sang a while back), while watching the game in the sunshine.  Between innings, I pulled out a book a friend gave me the night before,  All These Wonders:  True Stories About Facing the Unknown, and began the next story . . . It was by a woman who had become David Bowie's hairdresser, and had helped him to create the Ziggy Stardust look.  I love it when the dots of life connect.

    So, now these socks hold Els, baseball, a lovely island day, David/Ziggy, a wonderful book and the friend who gave it, luckily I have big feet!

    (P.S.  Deb G., this book is at the top of my list right now, and it's pretty to boot!)

not liking this middle place

   Last night, after a weekend away, we came home to a broken dryer, dripping tub, and a phone call from Blue wanting to make a big change in his college plans.  One that we have never discussed as even a remote possibility.  After listening to his almost convincing list of reasons, I told him we needed more information, and that we would talk about it.  He then informed me that he needed to decide now!  "Now?!  But this is the first we've heard of any of this!"  

    After some back and forth, and sensing I was going to lose my temper, I passed the phone to K., who said the same things I did.  He also started out calm, and then needed to stop.   The discussion of the balance of power and money between him and us has continued through emails.

    Oh, what to do?  I started knitting and managed half a sock, K. tried to fix the dryer, we hung clothes on racks all around the living room, so we'd have something to wear today.  Moon wanted to know if we wanted his two cents worth?   There was an in unison reply of, "No!"  

    Again, I do not like this in-between place with Blue- not knowing when to cheer him and his quest for independence on, or when to wield our parental power because we do know a thing or three…  I'm going to go hang up more clothes to dry, something I know how to do.

    "I do not like green eggs and ham. I do not like them, Sam-I-Am!" -Dr. Seuss