handstories

listening to trees

    Having finished the blankets, I had meant to "Christmas" the house yesterday, or today, but the only thing that has happened is that the Christmas tree is standing here, naked, with a pile of lights on the floor next to it.  I stitched a story cloth instead.

    "I need a map," is a frequent thought these days.  I thought this piece would be about that, even pulled out fabrics with maps printed on them, and a book with map drawings... but it quickly fell together into this tree and roots.  With hardly a thought, there it was.

    Maybe it's an attempt to tell myself it's not a map that's needed,  but instead, to believe that I'm not lost.

    Time to put the lights up... 

    "She grew her own roots" in the shop.

all around

    The moon woke me up this morning.  Shining through the window as bright at could be at five.  Got up to find glasses, to bring it into focus, which made it smaller, but still piercingly brilliant.  

    This sky was filled with stars last night.  Today the boat was lined with some of the sky cloth.  It's hard to see, but it's there.

    No "jewels" going into this one.  Maybe it seems empty, but really it's too full to put anything else into.  Maybe the boat is the treasure?  What if that were true?

light & shadow

 

    Oh, the light is terrible today- very bright or dim and full of clouds, but really, there is a sparkle on that spoon.  The spool of silver was bought in the early 90's, but quickly set aside because it was a pain to stitch with.  It still is.  But it did its job of glittering things up today.

    Thinking on what will fill this- a fairytale, a wished for one, and maybe a few starry memories.  Originally the thought had been to keep things light in spirit and recollection on this cloth.  Try as I might, what flows through has a dark side.  Then again, so do most fairytales.  Gathering thoughts is not coming easily these days, just a jumble... it's sure to all sort itself out in the end, one way or another.

    And does anyone else see the polar bear here, in the bottom right corner?!  A story begins...

    Cloth and variegated thread by Deb, and moon from Jude.

it's about the stars

    Still wishing for more stars, this is how Saturday night was spent.  From post-dinner until almost midnight.  Blurry eyed, but going.  Just filling the sky, scattering here, then there.  No plan.

    Yesterday some layers- waves or hills, whatever soothes.  There's more to do, but I'm resting with and in it for now.

found at sea

    Such a gloomy glum has hung over for too long.  Feeling done and dreary yesterday morning,  I thought I'd try stitching a boat.  It had been a while, three months.  It felt forced and wobbly, but I kept going.

    Deb's cloth and threads, and Jude's moon helped, but still, I didn't feel a real flow.

    Some waves were added in the therapist's waiting area.  She's so swell.  Aside from being very wise, validating and kind, she's an artist and an introvert.  She gets me.  She knows when to push and when I won't budge.

    "Maybe you want to tell them how you felt about it all?"

        "Maybe, but I'm not going to."

    "Maybe we should talk about why you won't?"

        "Maybe, but I'm not going to."

    "Then where will it all go?"

        "Here.  And then I just need to let it all go."

    And I did.

    And later the stars came out.

    It may take a few more boats and conversations, but today I can imagine some light in the shadows.

stitching self

    This is the last painting that I started at the workshop...still pulling my thoughts together.

    The floating figure is based on a poppet/doll started a few years ago.  A kind of self-portrait.

    Things are out of sorts right now.  Today is a day off, alone, and most of the morning was spent shuffling projects, taking a stitch here and there.  Finally, I pulled her into my lap and have been adding waves to wrap around her tree-ring heart.

    The rest of the day might be spent inside of a new found fairytale retelling, Sea Witch.

list ticked

    The list is all checked off, at least enough of it.  Enough that I can leave for the weekend.  Everything's packed, including the beginning of a new piece for myself, about childhood and holding onto what was good.  

    I'm off to a workshop through Sunday, a self-indulgent splurge that I've been looking forward to since last spring.  This experience is so out of my comfort box, and right up my alley all at the same time.  

    More about the workshop (and the spoon) soon...

    Wishing everyone a happy and kind weekend!

seas of blue

    The four tops/backs/sides of the two boys' quilts were dyed a faded blue in that botched indigo vat.

    Not all that was dreamed of, but good and blue enough.  Moon's is in progress, there's a moon shape quilted in the center-ish.  Now the stitches are circling round and round it.  Stitching through layers required finding a thimble.  

    It's coming with us to the Oregon beach tomorrow.  Four days at the ocean!  I can't wait to see the sea!  To put my feet in, stare at, smell, listen to it...  Maybe I'll dip some cloth into it?  And maybe, away from the city lights and hazy smoky sky, maybe there will be stars?!

    Wishing you all wonder filled skies this week!

enough

    And suddenly it's autumn weather, even a light misting rain this morning.  So happy to put socks on.

    It's been a kind of a topsy-turvy week, often not even knowing what day of the week it is.  The Blue Angels are practicing over and rattling the neighborhood right now, so this must be Thursday.  Yesterday, while draping cloth to dry, I looked up to see who was chattering in the tree, only to have a shower of squirrel pee land on my head and face.  Last night Blue told of his plans to be in the Macy Parade at Thanksgiving, and to spend January in Prague.  I'm not even sure which way is up right now?!

    Continuing to wrestle with the indigo vat, trying to force something out of it, putting the cloths back into it each day and overnight, poking it with a stick now and then, deeper down in the dying blue.  It's wet in the photo above, dripping the last round of effort, in the mist.  Expecting that it will be much lighter once washed, but calling it a done deal...blue enough.

 

    This cloth keeps landing in my lap.  Many of the squares are stitched with some kind of circle.  A symbol of wholeness and centering for me.  Loving how they hold and contain space, and give a sense of infinity at the same time.  I've been trying to meditate this week, just a little bit each day.  I'm terrible at it, and don't know if it's doing a thing for me.  Within ten minutes jumbled thoughts zip in and out, and all over the place... hanging a painting, spiders, tape, tuna fish sandwiches, scary dolls, phthalo turquoise, and deepest desires.  It is restful, and the fleeting moments of focus usually come back to the idea of wholeness...what it might mean, feel like...whole enough.

odd, but not . . .

    In it is everything else, or maybe just everything?  Three, three threes, thirteen, stones, mapping, off-kilter balancing, some star dots, and story.  And looking at it here, I'm finding more- straight and not, simple and not, woven intersections, a moonrise or sunset on the horizon, or snowflakes falling on a snowfolk, criss-cross applesauce... ha, it really could be anything.

    There was thinking, sketching and the making of lists while figuring out this square, but none of it was really used.  In the end I just picked up the soap sliver (what I use to draw on cloth), and this came out.  A new, but old, form of symbolic self-talk.  

    I was never very good with languages.  (Ask my first German professor who, in his first year of teaching, I made doubt his chosen profession . . . there was a happy ending, I passed, he went on to successfully teach for years, and I was a bridesmaid in his wedding, but that's another story...)

    Anyhow, I'm very happy with this.  It feels like me.