handstories

What we can do

    Many thank yous for all of your love and kind thoughts on the last post.  You folks fill my spirit.

    I was alone the last few days.  The guys were all scattered to the wind with fun plans, and I was looking forward to really concentrating on stitching for the shop...  and then the last week happened.  Letting things go.  I did spend hours watching really stupid TV and quilting on the woven quilt.  Some really bad stitching in places.  Letting that go, too.

    There will be more definitive news this week, hopefully with a plan, hopefully with some kind of hope.

    Whenever I don't know what to do, I think about feeding them.  Especially her.  On Thanksgiving I spent two hours making stroganoff.  Not the kind of thing I normally do, but no one in the house likes mushrooms as much as I do. It was a good distraction, delicious, and I was so glad to be able to hand her a warm bowlful when she picked me up today.

    "Turn off the car for a minute and eat this."

    We went to batten down the hatches on their sailboat before the rains come.  While we worked, I kept hearing my dad's voice... all the things he used to say when we were out fishing, hunting, etc.  "Pay attention, you might learn something," was a favorite saying of his.

    While driving home, I fed her grapes.

    "Eir" for healing.

Something is more than Nothing

    "Coraline" on a hill made from a gift of beautiful silk.  A friend shared some scraps (from Nepal, I think?) a few years ago, and I was "saving" them, actually afraid of messing them up.  Trying to get myself to just move, do something in a few areas of life.  Every step is movement.

    Through got a little longer this week, as K's surgery has moved from Monday to Thursday.  It's also at a later time in the day than expected, so he will probably be spending the night.

    I tried new recipes a zucchini pasta, rice bowls, and Steph's Tofu.  If you like tofu, do try it.  It's a creation of our local co-op.  Something I've bought there often.  The first round was good, but not quite right.  I went and bought a little from their deli to compare.  The second time I chose a dryer tofu and cooked it longer and it was great.  The recipe calls for an hour of cooking.  Our old oven took an extra half hour.  You want it brown.

    A trunk full of donations were gathered and sent off with Moon to drop off.

    One compost bin of blackberries was cut down out back.  Something K has always done, and I didn't fully appreciate until now.

    Vacuuming happened UNDER the couch, along with some other weird usually neglected cleaning.

    I am trying to have some constructive anxiety to balance out the mindless tv and tree watching.

Choosing

    Putting one piece with another, more proof that everything is all part of the same story.

    Last summer a friend, an old neighbor, who I miss having across the street almost every day, dropped off this blue garden sphere.  I love it.  It shimmers in the moonlight and glows in the sunshine.

    Generally, I'm the first one to point out all of the possible problems that might happen in a situation, making me seem gloom and doom-ish to some.  (I like to think of it as being prepared.)  But really, deep down, I do think that things generally can work out with enough thought and care. 

    K's new job was a financial adjustment.  Absolutely manageable, but not the more carefree comfort that his corporate position had provided.  (Have I said what his job is?  Just in case- it's at a foodbank warehouse.  Where truckloads of donations are sent, sorted, repacked, and then local foodbanks come to gather goods to take back to their communities.  He coordinates volunteers, organizes, etc., and drives a forklift (I can't tell you how much he enjoyed learning to do this!))  Not long after he started working there, in an effort to reduce waste, they opened up an area stocked with expiring and excess goods for employees to take home.  It's been great!  Eggs, milk, organic produce, things that we've never tried (the red curry soup above for one).  You never know what might be there... anything from ricotta to the occasional bunch of roses...  

    There have been so many unexpected gifts from this life shift.

    The Christmas cactus has a bud of hope.

"She Chose Starlight"

What I can do...

        Yesterday, after waking up at 4am from fretful nightmares about Blue, I tossed and turned until 5:30 trying to decide whether he should come home for the holidays or not.  There have been so many discussions and debates between the four of us about it.  I finally realized that if it was an ok thing to be doing, it wouldn't be this hard to decide.  What was I thinking?  I am a rule follower.  I should have known that the nagging in the back of my head was not going to go away.  Delirious, I fell back asleep until K. woke up.  We talked it over, and it was decided.  He called Blue, and I cried as I drove myself to the dentist.  (There were several other weepy moments.  Moon was at a bit of a loss during one of the spiraling down episodes.  I heard K. say to him, "Get used to it, this is how it's going to be for a couple of weeks.")

    Last night a friend sympathetically texted, "It sucks to be smart."  It does.

    So, Christmas needs to be mailed to Michigan.  I always make an ornament for each of the guys, and today Blue's was stitched.  The  rosy ground is leftover flannel from his baby blanket.

    It was the very first thing I ever made for a maybe-someday baby, about five years before Blue came along.  Really, I didn't know if I wanted kids, but I did want to practice the recently learned crocheted edging.  When I showed the finished blanket to K. that evening, he worriedly wondered if I was trying to tell him something?  

    "Well, if I am, you'd better start looking a whole lot happier!"

    To his credit, he was ready to have a baby before I was, and beside himself with happiness with each pregnancy.

    We last saw Blue when he was home for the holidays a year ago.  There may be a road trip this spring.  I don't want to miss seeing him be 22. 

    In the meantime, Christmas needs to go in a box.  There are cookies to bake...

blackberries & moons

    "Blackberry Moon" (or "How I spent much of Wednesday").  Such a good time was had on this one, and a lot of it.  Children and chores were ignored, a bill went unpaid, lunch only happened because my hands started to shake from hunger, dinner was late, etc.  

 

    It started with trying Jude's paperless piecing for the first time (actually, the second time, the first round was pretty wonky).  I am a new convert!

    And then a moon grew with cloth from Deb.

    Followed by surgery to rescue a square that would be unseen and will be repurposed somewhere else, made so easy because of the paperless piecing method.

    Followed by blackberry crisp made by Moon, and enjoyed again stirred into my oatmeal this morning.

    ("Blackberry Moon" in the shop, the cloth, not the crisp!)

we're weird.

    K's birthday was Monday, Moon had a game all evening, which translated into K breaking into his birthday pie alone on Monday, but us singing over its missing piece on Tuesday.   And it really made sense to give Moon his gift of new catcher's gear before his game on Monday, even though we partied for him on Wednesday, and the real day is Friday, when Blue will be gone.  Which meant that in the end they'll both have two or three days, but not any whole day that's all about them.  Confused yet?

    I forgot to flip the bottom layer upside down on Moon's cake, to create a level surface. Strawberries halved and wedged in around the edge are keeping it from teetering and collapsing. Cakes are not my forte.

    This mixed up week of birthdays and baseball has thrown us all for a loop. I asked Moon if it was too weird that we moved birthdays all over the place this year?  "Yeah, but we're weird," was his reply.   

    We are topsy-turvy with berries for balance. 

and there was cake . . .

    . . . and plenty of pasta, with fancy vinegar and olive oil to dip bread into.

    A conversation with Moon last week . . .

        "Besides some time to yourself, (They know me so well, I didn't even have to ask for that), what else do you want for your birthday?"

        "How about some really good vinegar and olive oil?"

        "If all I wanted vinegar and olive oil for my birthday, I'd be pretty depressed."

    Well, I'm not, the new condiments are delicious!

stitches in & out & in . . . & cake!

    That lone heart has been bugging me.  I took out the blanket stitched border, replaced it with a quieter running stitch, and am now covering it in criss-crosses.  I don't know . . .  I used to tell Janie, when she wasn't happy with how a quilt was going, "Just keep stitching, just stitch it out."  We'll see . . .

    Meanwhile . . . I am making a cake!              

    The frosting was sliding a little, so I'm taking a break to let it cool some more.  Moon's birthday is tomorrow.  I make pies.  I order cakes.  You can have whichever you like for your birthday, but that's how it is.   Until we went to a neighbor's birthday last week, and Moon tasted that cake.  "Please?!"  She promised it was fool-proof.  So far so good, but again . . . we'll see. 

this & that

    The silver lining to this heat-wave . . . early blackberries.  Discovered walking home from the library yesterday.  Just enough for the morning oatmeal.  

    No matter what I tell myself about needing to break out of my blue box, it still manages to be half of the pile when I go on thread buying expeditions.

    Nearing the end of this scarf.  Loving the edges of loops and picots (and the shadow, too).   Although, now those pointy edges are looking rather toothy to me, as most of this has been done in doctor, dentist and orthodontist offices.  The boys and I have had many appointments in the last few weeks, for check-ups, and a few issues.  I have been red AND blue flagged at the orthodontist, as one of those mothers.  Honestly,  . . . oh, I don't have the energy to go into it, or my issues with teeth.  

    There will be more blackberry hunting today.

potatoes and gratitude

    Today we worked at the food bank. This time we were out front passing the food out to the clients.  It was so great to look across the way and see Moon or Blue smiling and conversing with the people going through.  Everyone, working or shopping, was friendly and grateful to be there, us included.  

    (There was one man who asked me if I was from the 19th century?  "I'm not sure?"  He then commented that I was very polite.  "I try!"  He later came back and told me I needed a better sense of humor.  "I'll work on that!") 

    A deep thank you to all of you who visit here.  I hope your new year is filled with peace and comfort.