handstories

Songs for Our Circle

"A Pocket for the Burnt and Broken Heart” by Mo 2014

    Reading the posts that hold Rod and Mo in our hearts reminds me again of the strength and beauty of this circle.

    Mo's pocket hangs next to my worktable.   Inside of it are things and thoughts for love and healing.  In a long ago post about it, I wrote, "This beautiful "Pocket for the Burnt and Broken Heart" by Mo arrived a bit ago.  It came holding Mo's amazing spirit and stitching, along with a heart stitched by Jude, and many treasures and inspirations.  I love thinking of all of the journeys contained in it's parts, and how it represents a little corner of the community Jude has created.  I am so grateful to Mo for sharing her heart . . . both kinds."

    Thinking of this community, I thought of the song "A Circle is Cast" by Libana (listen here), and this one...  and remembered being at one of their concerts in the early 90's.  It was an intimate space in shadowy light, with these gorgeous voiced women circling us in song.  It was beautiful and holy.

    For Mo and Rod, holding them, and each of us, in the circle of light that this community is.

Stitching Stolen Lives

    Stitching Stolen Lives: The Social Justice Sewing Academy Remembrance Project by Sara Trail and Teresa Duryea Wong.
    This arrived last week!  A  beautiful powerful book sharing the stories of lives lost due to social injustice, quilt blocks and quilts created to honor them, and the empowering community work of The Social Justice Sewing Academy.

    This is Sara Trail, one of the authors, founder of The Social Justice Sewing Academy, quilter, a powerhouse for Good and Justice in this world, and only 26 years old!  This young woman has already done more than I can even dream of accomplishing in my lifetime.

    I'm very honored to have the blocks that I stitched in honor of Michael Brown and Cameron Lamb included.  (You can read more about the making of these blocks by clicking on the "Social Justice Sewing Academy" category at the bottom of this post.)

    You can order your own copy here (100% of royalties are being donated to the Social Justice Sewing Academy).  Please visit the SJSA website to learn more about their important empowering community work. 

Weaving self

    There was a day in the drear of August, at a loss of what to do with myself (or in spite of), that I went looking for old projects.  Looking for something that could be continued without much thought or effort.  Many half-starts were found, including three made of six, nine or twelve inch square pieces.  Another with random pieces patchworked together, a few with appliqued creatures, and strips of hills from this pattern, begun more than a decade ago.  Just looking at the stack of starts and stops made me weary.  Was there a way to mishmash them into one?  Just to get a useful blanket if nothing else?  Without math or planning?

    The rotary cutter was grabbed.  Much of it was cut into three inch strips.  A strip quilt was in mind.  In the aftermath, looking at the pile of long and short lengths, I knew that I didn't want to spend hours sewing long lines on long strips, so I put them in a box, put the lid on, and shelved it all.

    A week later, I woke up and thought of weaving- a possibility.  I was remembering Jude's workshop years ago, and that day she mentioned weaving on Instagram- a sign.  I spent the day re-reading and re-watching her Cloth to Cloth workshop- a path.  

    And begin, again...

    It seemed to fall together so easily. 

    The weaving will continue in and lengthen out of the white cloth.

    I can't tell you how good it felt.  Forget to eat-stretch-call people back-or start dinner good.

    I remembered the joy of those early days in this community, Jude's generous sharing, the excitement of learning a new way to be with cloth, getting to know many of you, the photo of Grace up on the ladder stitching into her huge cloth weaving for her daughter, finding my own way with cloth while holding hands in this circle... it was filling.

    It's so good to feel the glow of autumn again.

 

When we speak of moons

    Friday morning, a cloth of gifts that felt full from the start.  (Thank you Jude, Deb, Deb and Tina.) That hill, from the get go, felt moon-ish to me- color, shape, and connecting with the pink moon above.  I've compared hills to cakes.  So cakes can be moons, too.  Maybe everything can be a moon?  And a cake?  Maybe everything is everything?

    This was my daily painting first thing that morning.   I hadn't connected them until just now. 

    And then, in the afternoon, a dear friend on a road trip, sent this from Utah...

    Everything is connected.  I'm pretty sure of that.

    I had thought that this was done, but after looking at this photo... no.  More balance was needed in the lines around the hill- a wider arch, and a wanting to carry the lightness of the hill color beyond.  Also, that top "circle" filled with golden stars and dots... not right.  (It's so hard and tedious to pick out those dots, especially when they're double stitched, tweezers help.)

    Yes.

    And YES.

    I seem to be disappearing or is it fading?  From here and other places, too.  Jude says that she can't comment here.  Wondering if there are others?  And what to do?

    Keep looking for moons, I guess...

Full & Unfulfilled

Cameron Darnell Lamb

"Father, son, brother, cousin & beloved friend

Sunrise June 14, 1993 - Sunset December 3, 2019"

 

    Father of three young boys, who was a mechanic, loved working with his hands, offered helping hands in his community, was fun, loving... and was loved.

    There are hands (representing his) holding hearts with his boys' names, symbols for his love of Chevys and the Kansas City Chiefs, twenty-six solid stars (for each year of his life),

 

 

...and fifty-three unfilled and unfulfilled stars for the years that Cameron will not have (The average life span is 79).

 

 

    I kept Cameron, his children, mother, and loved ones in my heart while stitching.  Especially his mother's heartbreak of having her son become a memory.  I hope it holds the love he gave and that they held for him.

    Please visit the Social Justice Sewing Academy Remembrance Project here to learn more about this powerful project and organization, and how you might contribute.  

    (Click on the "Cameron Lamb" or "Social Justice Sewing Academy" categories below to read more about this project.)

Making days

    There was a tiny bit of practicing of Jude's wrapped bar stitch on the rooftop with Deb's thread (matching her sky cloth above), while remembering the tedious work of trying to do the short and long satin stitch that Grandma used to fill spaces.  Jude's method was much more manageable and doable.

    Another ferry boat day with a friend, from downtown Seattle across the bay and through an inlet to Bremerton.  I always enjoy the waterbirds... especially the cormorants, with their long elegant necks.

    (Aside- A customer from Australia wrote because a piece mailed at the end of November had not arrived yet.  After some investigation it appears it made it to the post office, but there was a mix-up in the address (we're not sure how), and it's on its way back to me...  Hopefully, it will make it here and have the energy to make another trip!  Can I just say how kind and upbeat her emails were, and what a difference it made in my worry levels.)

    On the other side of the bay, we sat by the water eating our sack lunches- talking about our boys, books, recipes, moderation vs abstinence, etc...  A clear day with seals barking and a quick glimpse of one (it's under the water here, if you would care to imagine it).

    A view from the walkway that leads off of the ferry to downtown.  This alley must be so pretty at night.  

"Third Quarter" by Liz Tran

    Before parting ways, we went into a gallery where Liz Tran is having an exhibit.  A local artist who's work I find joyful- full of color and textures.

    (Aside:  I first saw her work last summer.  She and other artists installed beautifully painted paper lanterns in a local park.  A place where folks play basketball on the court, garden in the pea-patch, and some call home.  It felt like a happy gift to the community.) 

    And then I came home and stitched a tree.

    I think her name is Hilda.

    These have been good days.

Wishing you light✨

    A slow cloth started for Solstice, for light, for hope...a gift to myself.  A Threadcrumb moon, and a rainbow of scraps from Jude, Deb and Tina.

    Everything is as made, baked, wrapped, decorated, and decked as it's going to be.  Now it's time for sitting still and snacking on spritz cookies. 

    A Yahrzeit candle has been lit for Dad.  Tomorrow will be two years.

    The three of us will have a quiet day tomorrow, with some zooming with Blue.  There is much to grateful for here in our little blue house.

    Wishing you all peace, comfort and joy.  With love, Hazel 💙

Here

    So it seems photos come and go now... me, too.

    Back to the murder nightmares, balanced with dreams of making salads and trying to host parties while having the house evaluated/judged by a stranger.

    If you have Netflix, do watch "My Octopus Teacher."  It's beautiful.  It brought back so many water memories.  (Including skinny dipping nights in the Pacific with a girlfriend back in college.)

    The "Rhythm" booklet has found a home, it is now a part of the Bainbridge Island Museum of Art, Cynthia Sears Collection!  Inspired by Langston Hughes' wonderful book, The First Book of Rhythms, creating it was a meeting place of a love of books, language, cloth and stitching for me.

    Many of the techniques in Jude's workshops were used in the making- weaving, integrated applique, cloth layering, etc.  I'm full of gratitude to her, Velma and Catherine who have all had roles in guiding the way.  This community is a heart filling thing.

    There is a video of looking through the book over on Instagram, click HERE to see...  Also, you can click on the "Rhythms" category below to read old posts about the process, if you like.

After & During

It’s hard to do things on the phone, so I’m not sure how this will go… My computer is in the basement with a fan blowing on it for four days, then I will lay hands on it, turn it on, and hope.

Today was a new day. The air is a little worse again, a little more yellow. In sympathy with that, I cut this square from the stack of beautiful cloths that Tina had sent. That was one of the very nice things that happened this weekend. Thank you for sending rainbows 🌈 Tina!

I noticed the small bit of blue in it, reminding me of hope, that the blue skies are still there, somewhere behind the smoke and drear that is 2020. About last night...

While watching the SWAT guys strap their guns on in front of our home, I recognized a teen and mom standing across the street. He had been a student at my last school job, I had given him rides to school when he was in kindergarten, seven years ago. I hadn’t seen them in a couple of years. They live on the block below us. There was a sinking feeling...

Passing one of the groups of police, I went over to talk with them. It was their house. Their relative. He was going crazy, destroying their home.

“I’m so sorry. Can I get you anything?”  

She asked for wine.

“White or red?”

Red. 

I brought it in a travel coffee mug with a lid, passing the police group again. 

Social distancing was ignored for a moment as I quickly wrapped my arm around the teen (I was masked). “I’m so sorry, sweetie.”

They said he’s been snowballing, that He just couldn’t take it anymore. 

The last hour was very quiet, we listened, hoping to hear nothing, but knowing that he probably had a gun.

When the SWAT guy was taking down the barrier tape, I went outside and asked him what had happened. He said that they had to go in, but everything was peaceful. 

A Black man didn’t die. 

I said that I hoped G would get the help that he needed, and thank you.

So today I worked on putting blue into the sky. 

Again, I don’t know how this will go on my phone. It’s hard on my eyes and my fingers are clumsy.

Take care out there. 💙 

Please

    I think things are ok.  Thank you all for your thoughts and care. 

    I feel worn out, but grateful that... The guys are home.  Mom's area has been lowered to Level One ("Be Ready").  Our area is still smoky and the air quality is unhealthy, but at a lower number than yesterday, and it's not quite as yellow out there.  The neighborhood is quiet.

    I don't know what happened to the man.  His family, including his elderly mother, were outside in the smoky air for over four hours, as three different negotiators tried to talk to him.

    I sat here at my window listening, meaning to work, not taking a single stitch, made another painting.  Held him, his family, and the police in my thoughts- hoping he would come out, hoping they wouldn't go in. 

    Then thinking, "If this goes bad, I don't want the memory of gunshots here." 

    While gathering things to move to another room, they began playing a message from his mom.  "Hi G, this is Mom. Please talk to the officers.  We just want to be sure that you're ok and get you the help that you need.  We love you. Please."

    They played it over and over.  It was heartbreaking.

    An officer on the sidewalk was saying that they might leave and see if that would help.

    I decided to go to a friend's, and just as I was leaving, so did all of the police, negotiators, ambulance... 

    The guys were here all evening, and heard nothing.

    A little bit ago, a police car parked on our street and walked down.  They weren't gone long. 

    Hopefully, G is ok.

    Again, thank you for your emails, comments and thoughts.  They and a couple of other nice things lifted my spirits in the middle of all of this... more next time, I hope you all are safe and well, oxo.