Appointments, family in Oregon, and stitching have occupied the last couple of weeks. Things are good for the most part, but definitely lacking a rhythm.
The long overdue appointments (due to the changes in insurance over the last year and a half) were surprisingly uneventful. My eye prescription hasn't changed in eleven years (I still can't see the small E's or the big one). Even the dentist gave no news (which is good news!), in spite of my diet of black tea and red wine over the last chunk of time.
The morning paintings hit a wall. Rhythm had become Rules because of my inner control issues. Being bossed around (even by myself), tends to lead to fighting back or stopping.
Pushing through, there were a few stutters. Not knowing what or where to go.
I think I'm just going to paint and play with color for a while... see how that goes.
The therapist has often said to just "sit with it." Recently, I was saying that I just don't know what to do next? Or if there even is a next?
"Just keep doing the work," she said. Another version of sitting with it. Not my comfort zone, but she's probably right.
So, I'm trying to find small ways to challenge myself. Layering old ideas into something new, hopefully.
There was a long phone call with Blue this afternoon. He's 23 now, still in Michigan, and such a good guy. I miss him. I told him about a tricky situation/relationship, and then asked him what he thought I should do? He had great insights, advice and a sense of humor about it all (I can take some credit for that last trait). It was a gift of a conversation, not just the nitty-gritty of the topic, but knowing that we can be adults together, trusting each other. A new layer to our story.
