handstories

whelm

    Triggered emotions and memories from watching too much of the testimonies on Thursday, and from a beautiful phone call in the middle of the watching, led to stitching these squares.  Calming worlds of blue, centering moon, starlight, and grounding green.

    Dreams are vivid these days, filled with anxiety and good things, too.  Houses, lots of houses.  Homes I've never been in, but feel familiar.  One was similar to K.'s and my first apartment.  One of three units built in the 1920's.  A spacious place, with plenty of light, storage, the biggest kitchen we've ever had, a fireplace with built in bookshelves, three feet deep, flanking either side.  Two bedrooms, a breakfast nook, furnished, and $225 a month 35 years ago.  I've been daydreaming about moving back into it.

    Stairs are featured in the dreams.  Long and steep, and spiraling ones, too.  There are a lot of stair memories- sliding down the seventeen in our childhood home on slippery sleeping bags, landing in the pile of pillows below, stretching the phone cord to hang out midway while talking to friends, some dark shadows lurk there, too.

    I don't know what's going on with my stitching.  It's all over the place, and sometimes nowhere.  Which is how things are feeling in other areas, but staying with it and continuing is the a way through.

    First thing this morning, I drew the heart, and began filling it in.  In the middle of stitching, my own heart was pounding, along with heavy breathing.

    I'm going to try to stay with this piece, to see it through, to stay present with it.

all around

    The moon woke me up this morning.  Shining through the window as bright at could be at five.  Got up to find glasses, to bring it into focus, which made it smaller, but still piercingly brilliant.  

    This sky was filled with stars last night.  Today the boat was lined with some of the sky cloth.  It's hard to see, but it's there.

    No "jewels" going into this one.  Maybe it seems empty, but really it's too full to put anything else into.  Maybe the boat is the treasure?  What if that were true?

patching things

    It was rough here last night. Late in the evening, in an effort to calm, a bunch of scraps in the basket were grabbed and stitched down.  Taking the shape of a house, of course.  

    Later, there was a dream... Driving through New York City with both boys, heading to meet K. All three of us were sitting in the backseat with no one driving. That old nightmare. And then Blue reached over to take the wheel.   Relieved and terrified all at the same time (because in real life, he still doesn't have his license), I watched him maneuver through rush-hour traffic as we headed into a tunnel.

    And there, standing in the middle of the thoroughfare amidst a pile-up of wrecked cars, was Jude.  She had on a short fitted grass green dress, respectable and fancy, dressed for a party.  She was moving from to car to car, carrying a medicine bag- one of those old-fashioned Doctor's bags. Calm as can be. I yelled for Blue to take a picture of her with his phone camera.  He took a couple shots, and then finally pulled over to get into the front seat.  As he drove us through the tunnel, we passed Jude standing over a pile of broken car parts, throwing her hands up in the air and walking away, knowing she'd done all she could do. 

    This morning I found that moon on the dining room floor.  I'll stitch it on after work.

light & shadow

 

    Oh, the light is terrible today- very bright or dim and full of clouds, but really, there is a sparkle on that spoon.  The spool of silver was bought in the early 90's, but quickly set aside because it was a pain to stitch with.  It still is.  But it did its job of glittering things up today.

    Thinking on what will fill this- a fairytale, a wished for one, and maybe a few starry memories.  Originally the thought had been to keep things light in spirit and recollection on this cloth.  Try as I might, what flows through has a dark side.  Then again, so do most fairytales.  Gathering thoughts is not coming easily these days, just a jumble... it's sure to all sort itself out in the end, one way or another.

    And does anyone else see the polar bear here, in the bottom right corner?!  A story begins...

    Cloth and variegated thread by Deb, and moon from Jude.

still wackadoodling

    What to do with that strange little group of tufts?  

    A weird pink flower, of course.

    Still going...  They are becoming fuzzier with all of the handling.

    This silliness is lightening the air and aura.

    I can't help but wonder if there's a Who living in there?

    Image from Horton Hears A Who by Dr. Seuss. (Theodor Seuss Geisel)

dallying with dots

    Jude inspired some dotty thinkings.  Not quite sure, but curious about how the swiss dots/clipped spots might work, I decided to give it a whirl, because what's not to love about dots?

    Jude described the making of them as "...extra threads are loose woven all the way across the cloth and just caught in certain spots. They are clipped back later."  So, it started with threads going across.  Because of the tiny gap from each stitch, I worried that the dots would open up to the sides when they were cut, rather than stand straight up.  Going back and forth at different angles seemed like a possible solution.

    The first few were made with lots of little loops which were then trimmed down.  After these, the quest for success went all over the place.  The best ones were stitched by pulling the needle all the way through to the back of the cloth, and then bringing the needle straight back up as close as possible, allowing the threads to be packed into the same hole.

    Insecurity made me tie a knot through the gathered threads with the last stitch.  (My trust issues need more work.)

    What will be carried into the next attempt:  They took longer than imagined, and a lot of thread.  They'll be made further apart.  I'd like to try the line method again, this time with the needle passing all the way through to each side with each stitch, or maybe working them from the center out, spiraling rather than in lines.  So many ways to go...

    I'm sure this was a wackadoodle way of going about this- but they are cute, quite fuzzy, fun to touch, and it was really good to play.

it's about the stars

    Still wishing for more stars, this is how Saturday night was spent.  From post-dinner until almost midnight.  Blurry eyed, but going.  Just filling the sky, scattering here, then there.  No plan.

    Yesterday some layers- waves or hills, whatever soothes.  There's more to do, but I'm resting with and in it for now.

found at sea

    Such a gloomy glum has hung over for too long.  Feeling done and dreary yesterday morning,  I thought I'd try stitching a boat.  It had been a while, three months.  It felt forced and wobbly, but I kept going.

    Deb's cloth and threads, and Jude's moon helped, but still, I didn't feel a real flow.

    Some waves were added in the therapist's waiting area.  She's so swell.  Aside from being very wise, validating and kind, she's an artist and an introvert.  She gets me.  She knows when to push and when I won't budge.

    "Maybe you want to tell them how you felt about it all?"

        "Maybe, but I'm not going to."

    "Maybe we should talk about why you won't?"

        "Maybe, but I'm not going to."

    "Then where will it all go?"

        "Here.  And then I just need to let it all go."

    And I did.

    And later the stars came out.

    It may take a few more boats and conversations, but today I can imagine some light in the shadows.

stitching self

    This is the last painting that I started at the workshop...still pulling my thoughts together.

    The floating figure is based on a poppet/doll started a few years ago.  A kind of self-portrait.

    Things are out of sorts right now.  Today is a day off, alone, and most of the morning was spent shuffling projects, taking a stitch here and there.  Finally, I pulled her into my lap and have been adding waves to wrap around her tree-ring heart.

    The rest of the day might be spent inside of a new found fairytale retelling, Sea Witch.

a quick "postcard"

    Hi, 

    The painting workshop, taught by Katie Kendrick, a lovely talented generous spirit, was full of many experiences both good and challenging.  I'm still processing it all.  There were also unexpected logistical issues (having nothing to do with the workshop) of a wide variety that threw me for some loops, but were opportunities to learn more about myself (more good and challenging).

    There are several works in progress from the different exercises.  The one above is from day one- made with photos of a moth, one of Moon's birthday cakes, and that mouth I stitched collaged with acrylic paints.  Funny, I had arrived that day with the intent of holding a happy lightness in my painting...Isn't it interesting how we can't get away from ourselves?  I promise to share more photos and reflections when I feel more coherent.

    Wishing you all a happy ease into autumn,.

    Oxo,  Hazel

    P.S.  I'm really missing keeping up with the circle of this community, and stitching, the first stitches in days happened this morning, all seventeen of them.  So many things going on expected and not.  Settling into school schedules, people we care about dealing with hard things, fall baseball, etc...  Things might continue being a little irregular here for a piece of time.  Trying to get my ducks in a row as quickly as possible.  Quack.