handstories

more light

    Stitched in the last bit of sunshine of the holiday weekend.  The clouds have moved back in.

  I don't mind, it makes it easier to go to school in the mornings.  Four more weeks till the end of the school year.  You can feel the anticipation in the classrooms, hallways, playground, . . . We're all having a hard time focussing.  Even I struggled with math yesterday.

    More and more I find myself wanting to tell the kids stories, rather than discuss decimals or inferences from the chapter book, and mentally doodling ships sailing away . . .

 

Stitch-illo!

    Oh, I am as pleased as punch about this new book!

    Created by Janine Vangool, the publisher, editor and designer of Uppercase Magazine, it's a collection of folks who use needles and thread to share their stories.  More about it all here.

    Here is the table of contents (please note page 123!):

    I'll share more when it arrives in my mailbox!

    (Images by Janine Vangool)

lightness

    How the light changes throughout the day, from bright and sharp, to soft and blue.  It would be great to understand the why, or maybe not?  Love that pin shadow above, and below- some finagling to stitch a flower coming out of the bottle.

    At painting class last week, discussing works in progress . . . I don't even remember what all I rambled, something about how my painting was a reflection of how life was feeling these days . . .

    Her response was, "You bring a lot here."

    "What do you mean?"

        "You bring a lot with you to class."

    "I bring everything with me everywhere, don't you?" 

        "I come here and try to let go of everything else."

    "I'm just a puddle of everything, all of the time."

    I was fascinated by how different we were, and wondered how she was able to do it, but then realized that usually the muddles of life float away while I'm stitching.  I wonder if I'll ever get to that point with painting?

    "Spilling Blooms" is in the shop.

star-stuff

    What a lovely quiet day yesterday was.  Several things were ticked off the to-do list, but only things that had to do with making, thus keeping the "lovely" part.  

    This piece has to do with the connection of everything.  It began with the cloth for the house (sprinkled with Deb's dying magic).  A search for something to shine in the sky to led to Jude's pink moon.  And then a question what if everything is all the same, which brought to mind, Carl Sagan's quote, "We are made of star-stuff."  

    In looking for the exact quote I found this one, too, “We are a way for the cosmos to know itself.”

and, "Exploration is in our nature. We began as wanderers, and we are wanderers still. We have lingered long enough on the shores of the cosmic ocean. We are ready at last to set sail for the stars.”

    So much to think and stitch about . . .

    "Star-stuff" is in the shop.

a sunny day

    The guys have gone to Blue's baseball tournament out of town.  Twinkle and I have the day to ourselves.  There was some guilt about not going to watch, but I think we will all benefit from me having a day alone.  

    Things feel lighter already.

    Happy long weekend to us all!

    (p.s. There are a few new pieces in the shop.)

waving and wanting

 

    I could use a bottle of sea in my pocket.  One that if I put my eye or ear to the opening, waves could be seen, and the sound of their crashing and easing into the sand would be caught.  I'm tired, mostly because it's that time of year, and I'm ready for a break (as are the children!)  Some of it's because next year is unknown, which is nothing new in this position, but I've asked for a change, which is not how I do things.  

    Lines from a Stevie Smith poem keep running through my head,     

            "…I was much too far out all my life   

                And not waving but drowning."

 

     Over the last few years I have learned to trust more.  Trust that things will work out, go as they should, be ok . . . in cloth, work, life.

    Now I'm working on the idea of wanting.  I'm not one for making plans for myself.  Daydreams and wishing now and then, but nothing clear or focused.  I'm very good at wanting for others and fighting to make it happen for them, but not for me.

    Some of it is from the trusting, because things do generally work out, one way or another, so, no need to worry, but a piece of it is from not feeling deserving.  Who am I to ask for something?  There are years of therapy and explorations of self and childhood that help it all to make sense, but still, how do you learn to think in different ways?

    So, all to say, I'm very uncomfortable and quite jammed up, but I'm not drowning.  I am learning how to wave- to the universe and myself.

just listen

    I work with two fourth grade classrooms- math and reading groups, helping with writing, art class, library . . . generally bouncing back and forth as needed.  We teachers are often telling kids how to behave.  I'm thinking that we grown-ups could do with some reminders, too.

    Yesterday, I saw one of the students sitting in the office.  (This is a boy that has made us kind of nuts the last week-  refusing to sit at his desk, talking non-stop, unfocused, and often frustrated and/or frustrating others.)  I sat down next to him.

    "What's going on?"

            "I needed a time-out, cause I was MAD!"

    "About what?"

            "I don't know."

    "It's Monday morning, the day just started."

            "But it's always school!  All week I go to school!  On the weekend I go to Islamic school!  I never get a break!  I'm tired!  I just want to say how I feel, and nobody wants to hear it!"

    "I'm listening.  What do you want to say?"

            He thought for a moment, then smiled, "Nothing, I just said it."

    We talked about how the morning might go, and he headed back to class.  Later, I went in to check on him.  He was peacefully working.

    Just an ear, that's all he needed, such an easy thing to do, but I forget it all the time.  Sigh, so much to learn, and relearn.

morning after

    A terrific weekend with my sister and her guy.  They hadn't seen K. or the boys in years, so it was fun to see them reconnect in real life.  Lots of laughing, talking, walking, good food, wine, and sunshine.  (Maybe a little too much of the last two!)  It's always fascinating to notice the similarities in us, in spite of being so different, so much is the same . . . a gesture, reaction, what we find funny, how we carry parts of our stories, sometimes holding them differently, and sometimes finding new pieces that give a better view of the puzzle of our past . . . oh, family.

acclimating

    It feels like summer should be just around the corner, but there are still five more weeks of school.  The weather yo-yos from week to week.  Dark, rainy and gray the last days, but it's supposed to be eighty next Tuesday.  But I should be grateful, it's 95 at my sister's in Rhode Island.  

    She comes tomorrow for the weekend.  I should be cleaning and clearing.  

    Alas.      

 

self centering

    Sometimes I can get myself into quite a mind muddle.   Wondering, worrying and wrangling with things.

    Some of it's good, thinking and pushing through, trying on new ideas, and reaching for more understanding.  Some of it's spiraling and silly.  

    Tangled, and looking for a rest from myself, I started a new ship. It's been refreshing and head clearing, a good bunch of deep breaths.  So, then I started thinking about that.  Why?  What all do these little ships mean and do for me?  Something more to mull about . . .